The last 3 years have been difficult in many ways. I’ve had a rather harsh stint with Post Natal Depression after having Macsen; no time for PND after having Enfys and now we have added Anwen to the mix. Like I said, it’s been a tough three years.
I am now Mummy to 5 children aged 12 and under. Three are under 4 years old and two of those are under 2. I hope I’ll be forgiven for feeling like I’ve lost a bit of myself during the last few years.
Three years ago I was studying towards a history degree. I put my studies on hold during the summer of 2014 to concentrate on my recovery from PND. Every intention was there to continue the following year. It didn’t happen. With Enfys’ arrival, a whole load of worry was put upon my shoulders and I never would have coped with that and studying.
Right now, I don’t know who I want to be or what I want to do with my life. I think Post Natal Depression is beginning to raise it’s ugly head to be honest. I know I need to go back to work at some point, not because we need the money (we’re managing on one wage) but because I don’t believe I am destined to be ‘just a Mum’ forever.
This epiphany has led me to start looking for local evening jobs. I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to get back out into the world of work sooner rather than later. I have been a stay at home Mum for almost twelve years. As much as I love being a Mum I need something for me too.
My self confidence has vanished over the last 12 years. I never had a huge amount of confidence but I have less now than I did. Working will hopefully give me some self respect and, hopefully, my confidence will also return.
The extra money will also come in handy. We will have extra pennies for extra treats.
Looking for a job also gives me a new challenge to focus on. An opportunity to be ‘me’. A chance to be something more than a Mum. I am finding me again!